End or Begining?

I never imagine it would come down to this... choosing between Tango and a normal life. It had became obvious in the past weeks that at this point in my life, I have to choose between dancing Tango and living a normal life. In the past two years dacning Tango has been a big part of my life or it was MY life. But now it has to change.

I was once in a similar situation. I was choosing between my Tango life in New York and coming back to Taiwan. I chosed to come back.

Tango is such a powerful thing. I have seen many people got changed by it, for the better or for the worst. People quit their jobs and moved to BsAs for Tango. People lives changed because of Tango. I have seen people whose only existance is because of Tango. Milonga is their home. Tango music is their heart beat. That embrace is the only love they can feel. When the light is out, milong ends, life is nothing again.

I was once one of them. But now I am not. Am I?

How real is this Tango thing anyway? How much does a good dance mean? Does being a good dancer make me a better person in real life? Is a dance really just a dance? Or am I really a good dancer as I thought I am?

The answers to these questions used to be so easy for me. But now I don't know how to answer them anymore.

What makes Tango so attractive (or shuold i say so addictive) is the emotion it envokes - the love, the romance, the jealosy, the excitment, the anticipation, the disappointment and that deadly 'Tango High' that so many people experience and talk about. But how real are these feelings anyway? Does 'Tango High' really exist?

One thing for sure, the addiction is real. I have heard people compare Tango addiction to drug, even to sex. Does this make milonga one big orgi party? Are we just using Tango as a cover-up? How is one-set of Tango different from a one-night-stand? Perhaps deep down inside we are just bunch of people who is looking for that embrace to comfort our lonely souls or to forget about trouble in our real lives.

If one-night-stand is not OK in real life. Why should Tango be ok? Just because we are in 2006 doesn't make it more noble than the Tango in 1900 when it is a dance for the seduction between lonely immigrants and prostitudes.

The more I tried to analyze Tango the more I got confused.... All I know is I want to live a normal life. How real is this Tango thing anyway? Is this the end? or begining?